you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize