tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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