home. puking in laundry basket.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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