This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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