dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
