it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
