This girl is more easily done than said...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
