remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
