I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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