I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
