I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
