Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
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I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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