he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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