Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
