And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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