Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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