don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
