But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
