We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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