Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Couch. On fire.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
