I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
