..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
