All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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