hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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