I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
