Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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