Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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