smell my finger.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
