So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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