I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
