if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
