Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
