Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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