Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
