So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
