Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
