i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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