Will you blow on my dice?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
