he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize