Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You ruined the universe
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
