Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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