You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i need some magic done to my vagina
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
