Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
