I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
