based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
