I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
