It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
