Swine flu. Run for my life!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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