chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
