i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
