spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
