I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
