i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
