I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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