OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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