I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize