You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
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20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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