Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
