Whod you bang
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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