i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
