hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
