we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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