is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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