DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I checked into jail on foursquare
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
