So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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