Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
