I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
